Re-back-to-School: Time to Celebrate

This Monday, tomorrow, will be my first day of school in over 15 years. To say that I am a little nervous is an understatement of epic proportion. It's scary when you put things down kind of like they become more real. Throughout my life school was the safe place, the happy place, the place where I found success. I’m returning to school thing time as an opportunity to hit the “re-set” button in some ways. Today as I sit here so many thoughts roll through my head – "how will I handle it, will I be successful, what does it mean to be successful?" I have specific goals for this school adventure, some related to the specific subject matter—yes I want to be an expert in tax law. I want to know tax law inside and out I want to understand the procedures and rules that apply to this area that everyone glibly refers to as one of the only two things that are sure in life. Success in school means not only knowing how to find the law, knowing how to read the law, understanding the law, knowing how to interpret the law, but also how to use the law. However, I think the biggest goal for me through this school process is to remember, re-focus on the good things about me, the good in me.

My life as it is, warts and all, is valuable. I have a bad habit of discounting the things I do. Somewhere along my life journey I told myself a story that if I could do a thing then how special could it be? It’s no big deal. What?! Hold on, wait just one minute—if I step back and look at my achievements and think when other folks do what I’ve done I cheer them on. I guess I was looking for other people to celebrate them, but why wait? So now I know the first step for me is to celebrate my own achievements.

A dear friend commented to me that seeking self-love is an act of bravery. Well I need to be that kind of brave. I need to be brave enough to stand up and say “hey I took a huge leap of faith, I let go of my security and trusted a power greater than myself.” Now I’m leaping and trusting once again. This is worthy of celebrating. So here I go: I have new shoes, a new purple notebook, and a great new purple pen courtesy of my Daddy! I’m ready, and I’m school better be ready for me.

I Surrender...

More often there is one word for the thing which stops me-- fear. Small word big impact. Over time I figured out something about that small word with the big impact, the fastest way through it is to surrender to it. Afraid of bridges? Find some, or at least one, and cross over it-- back and forth many times. Drive over them, bike over them, walk to the middle and just stand on them. Dream about building them-- imagine climbing to the highest point on one and then jump off, watch yourself fly. Soon, the impact of that fear fades. Similarly with the fears keeping us from cherished desires locked deep in the secret chamber of our heartsoul.

For the past few months a certain tune ran through my thoughts like my life “theme song.” One might not think of it in these modern times but it plays in my head every day. This song has been around since 1896. It was written by a Mr. Judson W. Van DeVenter, an art teacher born December 5, 1855 in Dundee, Michigan. The song, I Surrender All, is a hymn based on a passage from the New Testament--

In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:33.

Most commentaries interpret this verse as the Cost of Following the Life of Jesus. While there are mysteries about Jesus, we know how his life started and we know how it ended. So to surrender and live that life is not a big risk, and we can plan and prepare for what we know. So perhaps this Surrender All is about something else. In the dictionary surrender is defined as the act of giving up, yielding, abandoning, relinquishing, or resigning something or to something. What if there was something even greater in this seemingly simple act—what if all this surrender is about what keeps us from following our heart? For me this theme song is reminding me that every speck of this beautiful Universe wants me to yield to my heart. Give up the struggle and let go, be a disciple of my life. So here I go I am climbing to that highest point and jumping into a wind that will allow me to fly free and then set me down in my next life learning and truth telling spot to wait for the next good breeze. Then its take a deep breath and surrender again…